• Reading the comments to Ozy's anti-heartise faq

Reading the comments to Ozy’s anti-heartise faq

a few notes mostly scattershot as i red the comments for that slate star article:

Again, those who want to be more social, read improv books, talk to old ladies and other non scary people (don’t talk tot attractive people until being able to talk to strangers and seem likable is pretty normal for you). Game is devided on Two major axies Indirect/Direct and Day/Night. The advice is that closest to a normal person id Indirect Day. This is where you have a conversation with someone you find attractive and don’t blurt out how much you want to fuck.

Improv covers many of the same ideas as game, esp push-pull, agree and amplify can be explained in Yes-And terms. But most improv books aren’t written for your day to day life, so I’d read something indirect daygame-y and then convert all the terms into improv terms and then run away from the evo psych basilisk.

This is a standard PUA idea but not a standard Red Pill idea, but having a vibrant social circle where you meet friends of friends is probably more effective at selecting for people you would like, so if you’re able to signal aggreeableness and extroversion to old ladies and people at large, try to get *real world friends* first and then you’ll run into people over time. Indirect Daygame and Social Circle Game is most like how people who are not pickup artists meet people.

The main ideas from PUA mostly concern social status, which in Autism handbooks and body language books isn’t really there at all. Off hand I can’t remember an Autism social skills book that explained teasing at all. The safety and security of teasing is similiar to play fighting but with status instead of injury. You’re trading barbs with the intimacy that nobody means what they say and seemingly agressive behvaior done behind a backdrop of intimacy makes the status play, just like rough housing play, fun rather than intimidating. This account of teasing I can dig out of Impro or some Daygame book but I never found in autism centric manuals.

On the importance of having new social expriences: I remember at like age 20 I had my first advance by a women who was clearly attracted to me and I wasn’t and that blew my mind. I had never seen it from the other side before, how uncomfortable I was, how every option seemed to be bad. How trying to insenuate non atttraction rather than just say “i am not attracted to you” seemed obviously more kind and how that message not getting across through insinuation caused me to feel resentful that the other person WAS JUST NOT LISTENING TO ME BLAH!

Of course, I’d been on the other side plenty of times and just wished someone would say “i’m sorry but i’m not interested and plz go away no offense meant” beacuse I can’t tell what the hell is going on. So now I’m very symapathetic, perhaps overly so, on both sides of that coin, to people who feel that have no real good options and someone who just feels confused when they are rejected.

Now if someone rejects me with a light touch, I’m able to recongize it as such and appreciate it. I leave happier than when I came. Sure someone wasn’t interested in me as a romantic partner but she cared about my well being enough to give me some face so I can go off.

What I’m trying to say here, is that practicing social skills generally across strangers attentively, in a deliberate practice sort of way, attunes you to *what is normal*. Knowing *what is normal* is actually much better for reading social cues than anything else. If someone is laughing more at a lame joke than is approriate for “that is amusing and i will laugh a little to make them feel good” I know I’m going somewhere. If someone seems more fridgid than normal, I know to be a little off putting myself. So on and so forth. But its hard work to build a model of normality. The good news is you can talk to old dudes and old ladies and guys with cool hair that dress better than you and girls you don’t want to date and girls you do want to date and all that to get a model of “normal” into your head. That is, you don’t have to open a ton of sets of cute girls or guys or whatever to get good, just basic social adjustment by opening sets of all sorts of people who are less scary than Jennifer Lawrence of Chris Pratt will work. And from there you can make new friends!

Ok that is enough unstructured rambling for now.

Sum up:

Imrpov books! Indirect Daygame! Talk to all kinds of people, not just attractive ones to know how people act! Models or normality are great! You may not know what it is like to be in the rejectors position and how much care people take to not hurt you, they aren’t being mean by letting you down easy! Being in unfamiliar social roles where you’ve been on the other side a lot is revelatory and weird and I think about those expriences a lot!